TEAM BIDDLE

Some things in life are "Free"...

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 23:00:00 +0000

Dear Free,

Hi sweet boy. I wanted to write you a letter from your family to tell you that we love you. Especially your big brother Noah. He talks about you all the time and tells his friends that his little brother is in California right now, and that his name is Free. He misses you. I hope you can come visit us sometime. Noah would love to play with you, and show you all the things that big brothers love to show little brothers.

Here are some of the priceless things you should know about your brother:

*he's got the best toothy smile you'll ever see

*he has great manners

*he loves to say his prayers

*he thinks he's a skateboarder and wears knee pads around the house

*he loves a good nap

*he's VERY tall

*he loves his Grandma and Grandpas

Please come see us soon Free. We'll be waiting.

Love,
Mom and your big brother Noah

FYI-"Free" is Noah's imaginary friend

Redheads!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 22:17:00 +0000

Angles

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 15:20:00 +0000

So this will not be my usual post with cute pictures of Noah naked, or me making a kissy face...it will be a hodge podge of thoughts and feelings. Although come on, that diaper picture was hilarious. I digress.

Our driveway sits at a funny angle. Its impossible to get out of the driveway if it snows and Noah's scooter tends to go to the left when he rides down it. And I've been known to hit our garbage cans more than once. So the angle drives me nuts.

But the angle that happens when my 3 year old rests his head of apricot hair on my shoulder is the best angle. Its an angle I can get on board with anytime of day 24/7, messy chocolate face and all.

Life has lots of angles when you think about it. As the old phrase goes when you have a problem "try looking at things from a different angle." I've been trying to do that lately. Sometimes I get wallowed down in the reality that the angles have not aligned properly. A beautiful mess of irregularity is just what we need every now and then.

I have a life full of irregularities. One child, a love of all things cake, a listening ear that had the bishop asking me if I needed therapy to help out his ward members who have spilled their guts to me, and some Young Women who keep me up nightly wondering how I can make sure they know that the Lord loves them. And I'm totally on Team Jacob. So my angles are a little off, a little to the left, wouldn't you say? Or are they just perfect...for me?

Whatever angles come my way, I'd like to think I can handle or appreciate them for the joy they add to my life. And if I keep hitting the garbage can, so what.

p.s. just had to put a picture of up his cute face...I couldn't resist this camera angle.

A Couple of Hunks

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 15:33:00 +0000

My feet started itching right after the last guest left. I looked over the stash of presents that had been given to me by friends and family, and the excitement for our new baby grew. Presents sometimes make things feel more real, don't they? I figured my feet itching was just a side effect of being 7 1/2 months pregnant, walking around in barefeet and the heat of the summer.

I had taken the velvet ropes down to show all the guests the baby room, and the "oohs and aahhs" were gently filling up those wounds of long ago...wanting a baby. My itchy feet and I put the finishing touches on the room with our new gifts and I slumbered peacefully that night. Finally, a baby shower for me.

I mentioned to the doctor the next day that my feet and hands were itching pretty bad and maybe I had something called PUPPS that I had heard about. I offered him advice of giving me some kind of cream, salve, anything because the itching was getting worse. He said I didn't have PUPPS, but that there was a liver problem that can happen in pregnancy called cholestasis. He hadn't seen a case for 25 years since medical school. Oye. So they took my blood and sent me on my merry way.

I got a call within a couple of hours asking Andy and I both to return to the office. That's never good is it? I did have cholestasis and it can be dangerous. The baby starts to show signs of distress usually and there is a higher chance of stillborn. Was he freaking kidding? We went home in a little bit of shock.

We took the drugs he suggested, and nothing. The itching got worse. And worse, and worse. Blessing after blessing was given. The itching was worsening, and sleep was a thing of the past as the itching would not allow for one minute for my eyes to close. I spent nights in a cold tub, itching myself to the point of bleeding. Crying to the point of mania. I was exhausted and still we were a good while from the due date.

We went into the doctors office almost everyday to check on the baby, and to see if he could save me from this state of crazy I was now in. Everything on my body itched...everything. Nails, eyelashes, knuckles, mouth. Andy pleaded for something, something to make it go away. The only light was getting the baby out. And with him coming out the liver would return to normal. But it was too early.

I trusted my doctor, he was the best. An old LDS friend of the family. He knew his stuff, and I had faith he and Heavenly Father were having a secret pow wow as to how long to keep my itchy self in its sleepless state. Three amnios were done, day after day to see if the lungs were developed. We knew it was a long shot, since it was over 6 weeks to the due date.

On the night before the next amnio (Labor Day 2006)...I went to a place I've never been. Madness. Itching, horrible. Husband, desperate. No sleep in almost 2 weeks. I cried hysterically as Andy tried to calm me down and offer solace by reading out of the baby name book. Just in case we should name him something other than the planned, Alexander. He read over the "N's" and said "Noah." We both paused. The crying stopped briefly. I loved it, and he loved it.

The next day as we waited for the news if the lungs were developed...prayers were given, and when the phone rang, I cried. "Be here in a couple of hours, he's coming out." We were warned that he would need to be in the hospital since he was 5 1/2 weeks early, and so we prepared for the long haul.

The c-section was what it was. Noah had turned himself completely around that day and he was strangled in the cord. He NEEDED to come out that day. He HAD to come out that day. He was 7 + lbs. No mere preemie. He was a hunk. And I'm lucky enough 3 years later to know I have two hunks. Two great hunks that I love. And when I look back, the itching wasn't so bad.

8

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Tue, 19 May 2009 18:30:00 +0000

So these two goofs have been married 8 years today. Can't imagine those 8 years with anyone else. Go Team Biddle!

In the meantime...

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 21:21:00 +0000

I am not pregnant. I am really depressed about it. This was essentially the end of the road for us. No more pills, no more shots, no more doctors. My body can't take anymore.

As I was filling yet another tub of clothing that Noah has outgrown, I was sad, really sad. These tubs have been in reserve for the next baby. "Just in case" tubs. And although I am sad, I am sad for Noah. He loves other children. He gets excited when we drive past the neighbors in the hopes that Sam and Luke will be outside. He grabbed Jillian's hand at church on Sunday as to say "let's go buddy..." It breaks my heart to pieces.

I don't understand why this has been our trial. I don't understand why it worked once, and then not again.

So I might burn the pills, melt the shots and shred my 500 page stack of doctors files. Or I might put them in one of the tubs for safekeeping. In the meantime...I still believe in miracles.

Abilities and Pellet Ice

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:02:00 +0000

Its been a long time since I've blogged...I think Facebook has addicted me for the time being. However, I want to try to journal what has been going on in our lives other than a few quick updates for the masses.

Life in the Biddle house is good. We are still trying to get pregnant one more time, but it just hasn't happened for us. After this month we have to make some tough decisions, since I just can't be on the drugs anymore. They not only make me crazy, but I have a ferocious appetite and well...did I mention CRAZY?! Even I know they are making me a little nutso. But all for the good of a pregnancy, so I can handle 3 more weeks.

We took a trip down to Cali for a family reunion on Andy's side of the family and to see his Aunt Pat. It was a lot of fun to see everyone, spend time together as a family, and especially to see our friends the Devericks. I didn't want to leave! They live in the most beautiful place, and I missed just talking to them and laughing together as friends. I told Andy I was going back soon! Soon soon!

My mind has been full of thoughts as I wrap up this round of baby trying drugs. I had a realization about a week ago that this was it...the end of my ability to have a baby on this earth. Now while that might sound dramatic, I never thought that age or circumstance would inhibit me from having a child. But in our case it really does, on both counts. I cried a little when I thought about the way I feel inside...that of a teenager...and that hope and dream to have a few children. To see your future as endless. The reality is that women have an expiration date. Some are never able to have children. Some, one. Its a very strange emotion....makes me sad. And I don't need to type about the miracle that is Noah. I know. I know everytime I look at those big browns and crazy red hair.

So while I try not to wallow in my disappointment or hopefully joy in another miracle...life is good. Really good. I have a great life. And our local Shell station now has pellet ice. Is there anything better?

New Moon

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 16:12:00 +0000

So I got up at the crack of dawn this morning (Noah standard wake up time) to see the most beautiful new moon outside my kitchen window. It was huge and orange and a wash of joy came over me. Simple beauty.

As is this cute face.

Upgrades

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 16:14:00 +0000

Every now and then I look around our house a little disheartened. The paint has chipped a lot from wear and tear. It wouldn't be an easy fix, it needs to be re-done. The dog has scratched the paint off the window sill. The master bedroom bath needs to be updated as does the kitchen. We can't stand our kitchen. Its older, isn't a good use of space and you bang your head if you are trying to talk to someone in the great room. Our old house was all brand new...beautiful and dreamy.

But we know where our money has gone. It went to getting HIM. The Freets. And for the second I feel disappointed that the house doesn't look the way I think it should...I think of HIM.

I think about this being his first home. I love that we can see the fireworks off Lake Washington from our front lawn. He plays in his little wading pool off the back deck in the summer. And that Cabo now sleeps outside his bedroom next to the scratched up walls. The house is beautiful because of HIM. Its our home, and all the upgrades can wait. It was worth the money.

Featherless

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 02:27:00 +0000

Our FHE lesson tonight was on President Hollands talk from last conference. It was about angels.

It got me to thinking tonight about how many earthly angels I have. I feel like I have been blessed with a lot of them. Some of them come in small packages...a 2 year old who folds his arms for prayers. Or an adult package, in the form of a husband who says "go take a nap, you need to relax for a little while." Those are my angels.

My dear, kind, lovely friends. I feel showered with love, empathy, understanding and laughter all the time...anytime, day or night. They are also my angels.

So thank you all my featherless friends. You are all angels indeed.

Egg Waiting Room

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 16:40:00 +0000

I told Cali SIB yesterday, nothing is more heartwarming than hearing your doctor say "your window is slowly closing." Translation: your eggs are getting old, so are you and you are running out of time.

I picture the little eggs...some of them dusty, some of them are using canes for support, some are too dried out and broken, some are my young Hawaii eggs that are just waiting to catch the next wave out (too inappropriate...you get it). Of course those young eggs are my favorite. They are the ones in great shape, smooth shells (maybe a little egg botox is going on?) and ready for action. They are eager to jump out the sliver of window available...for their chance to meet up with their partner in crime.

But, in the meantime they are waiting. I am waiting. I gotta tell you, it sucks. I know the ache I felt when I couldn't get pregnant, and somedays this ache of not getting pregnant again brings it all back 100 times over. And what breaks my heart the most, is the look on Andy's face. As energy-draining and time consuming as Noah is, he wants as much as I do for Freeto to have a little brother/sister to protect, poke with sticks and drive me crazy with.

So I think of those eggs that are barely hanging on...waiting their turn. And even if they never make their way to the BIG SHOW...I hope the windows stays open just a little bit longer for them. I'll make them a nice home if they do. And introduce them to one really cool little brother.

Biddle Family Motto for 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 02:12:00 +0000

1st Timothy 4:12

(edit!) you'd think I knew this was the YW Scripture theme for the year since I'm in YW!

"...be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity."

Happy 2009 to all!

Cabo and Me.

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 03:17:00 +0000

She has a grey goatee. She barks when anyone comes near the house. She has been known to eat a diaper. She loves parmesan cheese on her dog food. She leaves doggie hair ALL over the place for me to clean up daily. She has saved my life.

Andy and I went and saw Marley and Me, and laughed so hard we were crying. Not only because the movie is funny, but because it was like watching Cabo in a movie.

I have blogged about Cabo before, but now I do it with the intent to express my feeling about how much I truly love this dog.

After she came into our lives (via the shelter)....I didn't like her at all. I DID NOT LIKE DOGS. But, we figured it was a pre-cursor to baby...so I gave it a try. I didn't like being near dogs, the smell of dogs or anything dog-like. But to make a long story short, I fell in love. She had pneumonia within the first week we had her, and to see her suffer in the vets office melted my "dog hating heart" into a pile of goo. I called the vets office every few hours during the middle of the night that first night to make sure she was still alive. After that, she slept next to me...and still does.

Here are a few little known facts about Cabo:

*She has eaten through drywall and wood. We were told by a trainer to put wasabi, yup folks, wasabi on the part she was eating to keep her from chewing it. She licked up the wasabi like it was a fresh bowl of water, and kept on chewing.

*She ate through a Costco size box of Ziploc sandwich baggies. I came home from work to see thousands of baggies not only gone and digested, but in shreds all over the bathroom floor. Along with about 10 rolls of toilet paper.

*She has eaten duct tape and money. I won't tell you how we found out how.

*She ate a whole chocolate cake while we were at church. She threw up for 2 days. Andy had to sleep on the deck with her. This was not her finest moment.

*She ate two cubes of butter...again, I'll spare you the details.

There are a lot more funny stories about her...but I'll just finish by explaining why she has saved me.

Andy and I had a rough go of it our first years of marriage. We didn't know what we were doing, we were both selfish and needed to grow up. We were learning how to communicate with each other but it was coming together slower than we thought. When Cabo came into our home she became my buddy that loved me unconditionally. She was happy to see me and we understood each other in our own secret way. She has to be within 3 feet of me at all times, and she made me feel secure. Who knew we could save that $300 an hour on marriage therapy and just get a dog with a few "issues?"

But from her unconditional animal love...she taught Andy and I to be kinder to each other. She taught us to keep our voices lower because it bothered her. She is our great defender and sweet puppy. She is crazy and unruly and we love her. Marley's got nothing on her.

You're a wise one...Mr. Grinch

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 16:31:00 +0000

So this Christmas could be looked upon as a bust for the following reasons:

*bought cards, cancelled order, bought cards, cancelled order...finally picked a card I liked. Got snowed in and could not buy the right size envelopes/flocked stickers for cards.

*haven't seen the mailman in over a week...snowed in.

*slid beautifully backward down our hill in our Jeep (its fun seeing your neighbors houses from the other direction)

*snowed in...I mean seriously snowed in.

*finally made it to Target during a rainy break in the snow, and grabbed anything we could for Noah, whilst fighting with other parents doing the same thing.

*our hill is the official hill for snowboarders, skiers, sledders. Kids and adults come from miles around. This makes it the party hill...but see the comment about sliding backwards in the car. It also makes it a hill of ice.

*church has been cancelled for two weeks.

So in summary, no cards got sent this year. The cookies didn't get made because we ran out of flour and couldn't get out of the driveway. Andy was without gifts because we kept worrying about Noah. No primary program hearing Silent Night and Away in a Manger. Blah, feeling bad and guilty, blah. THEN my epiphany...

It was ok. My friends know I wish them a very Happy Holiday season. My friends also know I LOVE to bake and would have delivered them delicious treats in cute, funky boxes.

But being snowed in with my family was the greatest gift I got this Christmas. I got to play with Noah in the snow, sled down our hill...and enjoy cocoa and laughter with my husband. I got to sing (and be told to "SHHH" by our son) carols in our home and to each other. We did a finger puppet play of the nativity to Noah while he was nodding off Christmas Eve.

It came without ribbons, and came without tags...it came without packages, boxes or bags!

Our hearts have all grown three sizes this week.

Flocked

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 23:25:00 +0000

I have posted about this before, but I was blessed to grow up in an old Craftsman Style home. It was beautiful. It had a front entryway...and small library foyer...a dining room with a chandelier and a big wooden staircase. My Mom said when she looked at houses she always kept in the back of her mind that the house must have details that would give a child memories. That house is still engrained in my mind. They paid $13K for the house...

One of the unforgettable details was the flocked wallpaper. It started at the bottom of the staircase and ended at the top. It was fun to touch, since it felt like velvet. It provided a guide for my sister and I as we would sneak down the stairs to peek at the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. It was a reminder that we were home as we would slowly walk up the stairs touching the wallpaper with our little fingers all the way up.

I love the look of flocked paper. Its old fashioned and unique. I hope I can show Noah some flocked paper someday, and explain its happy memory to him. I hope I can provide him a home full of great memories.

Now while the reality of that home not having any siblings for him is very real I hope that memories and love will always abound.

We are finished with our fertility treatments and now we just wait and hope it works. Its funny how somedays I am at peace with the reality of just having one child and then there are days when the peace is gone and the aching just feels like too much.

But like that flocked wallpaper that was always there to guide me, so is my Father in Heaven. He is there for me as my steady guide to hang onto both up the stairs and down. Just as the wallpaper was never changing, so is he. Just like the wallpaper was a reminder I was safe, he provides the same comfort . And I am ok.

Commit Me

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 23:10:00 +0000

So I have decided I need to be committed. Put me in the funny farm, throw away the key and leave me there with some good meds. And the reason for said committal will be that I am...wait for it....picky. Picky beyond belief.

A. I am picky about my house. And while I don't love every piece of furniture and there are still some major upgrades that need to take place...I like it to smell a certain way, be arranged a certain way, etc. etc. You get the picture.

B. I am picky about our Christmas tree. No one can touch it, use the ornaments as toys, objects to throw, and the tree is not a fun place to hide under. This is NOT a kids tree. Andy calls it the "Martha Tree." I like the perfect ratio of ornament to branch.

I am getting a second small tree to put downstairs so kids can put up crazy lights, fun ornaments and enjoy their tree. But leave my tree alone.

C. I am picky about my Diet Cokes. And while desperation will allow me to drink it out of a can or bottle. It is preferably from a fountain with half of the cup full of ice. And only from McDonalds.

D. I am picky about what Noah does. He doesn't jump on the furniture or least certain pieces of furniture. He can go to town on the red couch...but anything else is pretty off limits. He's gonna grow up crazy, right?

E. I am crazy picky about sheets. Now while you are laughing knowing that I sleep with a 70 lb black lab...I de-hairify it everyday. And I will probably die with Cabo hair in my casket, that's not my point. I have to have sheets on my bed. Always....no exceptions.

F. I am picky about vacuuming. I vaccum everyday, except Sundays. I might be picky...but I obey the commandments despite the dog hair.

G. I am picky about my hair. You must submit a resume, interview and I will check references before I let you touch my locks.

H. I am picky about my clothes. A lot of my wardrobe comes from Target, not Nordstrom (I know that's what you are thinking)...but I am picky about what I put on. I think about every outfit before I wear it. Exception with today and showing up in my PJ's at the Devericks, begging for a DC.

I. I am picky about projects. I have about 4 projects going in the garage. None of them finished because they are not quite perfect yet.

J. I had to add one more. Sports. Football, I'm there with a bowl of chips in front of the flatscreen. Baseball, I want prestine seats at the game. None of this nosebleed section baloney...I want to see the sweat on the players faces. (No this is not a throwback to my obsession with Freddy Garcia). Basketball, I want to sit next to the coach with my hot dog. Anything else is...golf.

The list could go on and on. And while there are certain areas of my life that I am not picky (i.e., my car, Noah's room, the laundry room). I think its safe to say that there is a room for me somewhere with no windows and a nurse that checks on me every now and then to wipe the DC off my lips. Or at least some kind of support group. In the meantime, feel free to check me in anytime.

The Prize

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 06:50:00 +0000

Dear Freets,

I thought about you all weekend. I missed you. I hate that we had to be apart for a few days....but I know you were in good hands. Your Grandparents love you more than can be expressed in words. They love spending time with you, so when it came to leaving you for a couple of days I didn't worry.

We went to Arizona, down to Nogales, Mexico to have a treatment done so we could try and have another baby. A sibling for you. They inject Daddy's white blood cells into me, so that my body can make a nice home for the baby. I would do it a hundred times over for another little you.

I hope you know how much I want a sibling for you. Another little person for you to play with, sit on the dog with and someone for you to give your great hugs to. I want someone for you to teach, and for you to learn from.

If we are not able to have another baby, I hope you will always know how much I wanted to. We went to the ends of the earth once for you, and we are trying to again. You may not understand if you don't get a sibling but I hope someday you do. We hired the best doctors available to help us...and Mama is doing exactly what they told her.

I love you Freeto. Daddy loves you. And like our blog title says...we are two ordinary people, who became parents. You made us parents, and we are not ordinary anymore. We are two people who were given the greatest prize in the world, YOU.

Love,

I wish

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 03:48:00 +0000

I am on vacation for a couple of weeks to prep for my trip to Mexico. I know we will only be gone 24 hours for the first visit...but as nervous as I am...I can't do anything else (but check Facebook of course). Be back soon!

p.s. doesn't this just look lovely?

Humanity

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 00:22:00 +0000

This seems to be the theme of today...humanity.

I woke up and read my usual webpages, which include CJane. She had an update about her sister Stephanie that has been on my mind all day. The humanity that has been shown to Stephanie and her husband Christian has been truly remarkable...to say the least. I don't know Courtney (CJane), nor does she know me. I have read her blog before Stephanie's accident, and I know we have infertility issues in common, but we are strangers. Her sister Stephanie (Nie Nie) is an amazing woman who's blog I read for daily mothering tips to recipes, a stranger as well. And her story continues through her sister, as she fights for her body to heal and for her soul to find a new path. The outpouring of love that has been shown her and her family is nothing short of humanity in its purest form.

I took a woman in our ward today to her doctors appointment and saw another side of humanity. Janine has lung disease, and other medical issues. We have been in the same ward twice now and I am connected to her in an unexplicable way. Her children are all grown, and I am dealing with a toddler, but we are connected...age is not a boundary. As Noah ran ahead and I walked a few feet at a time holding her oxygen tank I noticed that some people would not even look her in the eye. She has looked better in her life. She hopefully will again. Only one person stopped, looked her in the eye, smiled and asked if we needed a wheel chair. Being the ever so strong woman she is...she refused. I thought after I took her back home and cuddle her in how many times I don't look someone in the eye. How many times I don't smile at someone because I just don't want to make eye contact, I'm feeling insecure or just plain in a hurry. Don't we all deserve to be looked at and acknowledged?

So I think about humanity tonight. I hope I'm better tomorrow than I was today. I might change our family motto of the year from "2008 is our year" to "2008 is our year to be better humanitarians."

And being better to humanity starts in my home. A kinder Mom when Noah sticks the shower head in the toilet. A kinder wife when I want attention or to say "take care of your son" and bolt out the door for a moments peace. Because if they feel that I love them and care who they are, they will hopefully do the same to others. Strangers or friends.

Tonight I will put on my red lipstick as I go out and think of Stephanie. I will think of the goodness shown her from hundreds of strangers. I will try to be better to strangers, acknowledge them for their soul. I will close my eyes tonight and be forever grateful that two strangers and my friend have taught me today.

Tagged by RN Jen...my twin.

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 03:41:00 +0000

8 Favorite TV Shows (I can only pick 8?):
1. Heroes
2. The Office
3. ER
4. What Not to Wear
5. Old Friends episodes
6. The Hills
7. Cooking Shows
8. A Baby Story on TLC

8 Favorite Restaraunts:
1. Daniel's
2. Coastal Kitchen
3. Cafe Rio
4. Icon Grille
5. The Ranch
6. Any place that serves mashed potatoes
7. Any place that serves fry sauce
8. Burger Supreme

8 Things That Happened Yesterday:
1. Figured out the weekly family calendar
2. Slept
3. Got a diet coke at McDs
4. Went out to dinner with the Devericks for Pizza
5. Had pie with Devericks
6. Analyzed a few things WAY too much
7. Read several Ensign articles from conference
8. Went to the dentist

8 Things To Look Forward To:
1. Getting my hair done
2. Hanging out with Heather Thursday night
3. Exercising tonight
4. Going to Mexico for another fertility treatment...ouchie
5. Maybe another trip to Utah in the new year
6. Noah talking more
7. Maybe going to Whistler for the holidays
8. Listening to Christmas music

8 Things I Love About Fall:
1. The smell in the air
2. Football games
3. Sweaters
4. Fall Leaves
5. Long-sleeved t-shirts
6. Halloween candy
7. Soup
8. Halloween candy (I had to put it twice...I love candy corn!)

8 Things On My Wishlist:
1. NYC
2. Utah
3. More energy
4. Get some closure on something that's been bugging me for over 10 years.
5. Decorate and organize my house
6. Better mothering/less t.v.
7. Figure out how to earn some money while at home.
8. Look HOT in a bathing suit.

Happy Halloween

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 14:16:00 +0000

How about some Freeto-fries to go with your Diet Coke!? (this cup was quickly taken out of his hands!)

3 a.m.

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 10:27:00 +0000

There is absolutely no reason why I am awake right now. I woke up about 2:30 and realized I hadn't read the visiting teaching message this month. And you know what that means, I've got a few days left to get said visiting teaching done.

The past few weeks I've become a bundle of worries. Worried about Noah, worried about Andy, worried about my nephew Ben, worried about the YW in our ward, worried about the economy, worried about the people I visit teach, worried that I really did make WAY too many trips to Target this past week, worried about my friends that are struggling with some HUGE issues right now. (This is when I refer back to conference talks). And so I get on my knees again....

We are going to Tucson in a few weeks for a fertility treatment (when I say Tucson...ya know I mean Mexico. Ole!). I am nervous since this is it. If it works, baby. If it doesn't, no baby. I leave this one in someone else's hands....and get on my knees again that I will remember His plan for my life isn't mine. His timetable is not mine. His will, not mine. I still worry a little.

My quandry....

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:24:00 +0000

How am I gonna get him in this again for Halloween?

Club Biddle Grand Opening!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 15:07:00 +0000

*No Cover Charge

*Children 2 and under ONLY (with parent supervision

*Club Hours 12-4 a.m. (partay!)

*Milk and snacks are on the house

*NO SLEEPING

*Movies, jumping on the bed, dancing (DJ Noah will be at the turntable)

*AGAIN, NO SLEEPING (house rules)

*If you sleep...the bouncer will escort you to your crib

Managers Note: This club is not for wussies. Serious club go-ers ONLY. And...the manager really needs a raise. And a nap.

The Box

noreply@blogger.com (Marie) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 22:55:00 +0000

Sometimes I feel like the Lost and Found box. I feel like I knew more who I was when I was in my 20's then I do now. Very strange considering wisdom should come with age, yes? Isn't that written on half of the Hallmark cards out there? "Wisdom comes with age?" Apparently not in my case.

I have days where the words that come out of my mouth aren't appropriate, or kind (or Christlike)...or for that matter, mature. What the heck? (to quote popular Utah lingo) I thought Motherhood and marriage for that matter, would unlock the amazing side of my personality where I don't take guilty pleasure in "The Hills" or t.v. shows that have no eternal merit whatsover. Or that my creative side would bloom forth...instead of my vain side that is still looking for the best eye cream. I should enjoy cooking and creating things, righto? And that I wouldn't have days where Noah is glued in front of a t.v. set....and I am secretly breathing a sigh of relief that I can get a break. He should be drawing masterpieces with his crayons or speaking Spanish, si?!

So I find myself still sitting inside the "LOST and FOUND" box...waiting to be FOUND. Cause I feel LOST a lot of the time. LOST in Motherhood and wifehood. LOST that I haven't "arrived" at the person I thought I'd be by this time in my life. Or does that ever happen?

Cause if you know the answer, let me know. I'd like out of the box.