The Question

Either Andy or I have layed down with Noah as he drifts off to sleep for almost 4 years now. Tonight he told me to move to the floor, but sweetly offered me a pillow and his other blankie. I layed there in the silence for a few minutes, and then decided I needed to snuggle him. I crawled up in the dark, and found his hands. He held them for a moment and then rolled over and let them go. I waited a few more minutes until I knew he was asleep before exiting. Quietly I heard "still there?" "Yes." He nodded off into his dreamland of dragons eating ice cream and playing on the computer (this was a made up story he told me earlier).

To lose 2 babies in 6 months has been hard for me. I can count the number of times I have cried about it, because in the back of my mind I have not wanted those pregnancies to be "REAL." So keeping a smile on my face as much as possible has felt like the right way for me to pretend and carry on.

I have felt alone in my connection with Heavenly Father. My prayers have not faltered or my scripture study and yet I have felt silence between me and the heavens. Until tonight.

Noah's simple question "still there?" led me to search for a simple spark of the spirit, if you will. I found it as I watched a simple video about the Book of Mormon. Tears have fallen, a spark rekindled, the heavens...near. Through Noah's simple questioning.

And yes, HE is still there.