Its been a long time since I've blogged...I think Facebook has addicted me for the time being. However, I want to try to journal what has been going on in our lives other than a few quick updates for the masses.
Life in the Biddle house is good. We are still trying to get pregnant one more time, but it just hasn't happened for us. After this month we have to make some tough decisions, since I just can't be on the drugs anymore. They not only make me crazy, but I have a ferocious appetite and well...did I mention CRAZY?! Even I know they are making me a little nutso. But all for the good of a pregnancy, so I can handle 3 more weeks.
We took a trip down to Cali for a family reunion on Andy's side of the family and to see his Aunt Pat. It was a lot of fun to see everyone, spend time together as a family, and especially to see our friends the Devericks. I didn't want to leave! They live in the most beautiful place, and I missed just talking to them and laughing together as friends. I told Andy I was going back soon! Soon soon!
My mind has been full of thoughts as I wrap up this round of baby trying drugs. I had a realization about a week ago that this was it...the end of my ability to have a baby on this earth. Now while that might sound dramatic, I never thought that age or circumstance would inhibit me from having a child. But in our case it really does, on both counts. I cried a little when I thought about the way I feel inside...that of a teenager...and that hope and dream to have a few children. To see your future as endless. The reality is that women have an expiration date. Some are never able to have children. Some, one. Its a very strange emotion....makes me sad. And I don't need to type about the miracle that is Noah. I know. I know everytime I look at those big browns and crazy red hair.
So while I try not to wallow in my disappointment or hopefully joy in another miracle...life is good. Really good. I have a great life. And our local Shell station now has pellet ice. Is there anything better?
6 comments:
Crazy Marie is always welcome to hang out with me. I'm cukoo and I don't have drugs to blame it on. You are good at those FB updates.
Bless your 3 more weeks.
I had my 4, so it isn't the same, but I cried those tears too...
Wait... pellet ice? Which Shell station?!
I love pellet ice! It reminds me of being in the hospital. I am so sorry the drugs aren't working this time, I really want Freets to have a sibling. Amara, Sully and Finn will always take him as a "adopted" brother.
Come back to Cali soon. We miss you and you need the sun!
You are amazing... and so is pellet ice!
love u friend...
(and i heart some pellet ice too)
I'm sorry you have to go through this-it sucks-but you are a trooper and a wonderful mom to little Noah-and seriously-the pellet ice?? I may have to jump on a plane.....
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